Four Decades!?!?

I was sitting here this morning looking through pictures my kids posted from our trip to the Royals game last night. They are great! I had such a good time hanging out at the K with my girls while Arty watched the game (and we sorta watched the game). Of course, the only runs the Royals scored happened while I was off with the girls in search of ice cream so we missed all 3 runs!! The guys behind us offered to buy us ice cream again if I would just get up and leave for 20 minutes....the thinking being us gone was lucky!

I so appreciate the times I get to just hang out with my kids. It is just simple happiness. I realize I started being a mom nearly 20 years ago. Wow! Where has the time gone! By the time Riley goes to college I will be in my mid-fifties! That means I will have been a mother in my 20's, 30's, 40's and 50's! 4 decades of motherhood! I think many women would hear that and groan, pity me or both. The truth is, I love it. I love that I will probably be a grandmother before Riley is in college. I will never be lost for young people in my life and that is just the way I want it. I don't think in my 20's you could have convinced me to make this plan for my life. I would have been one of those women groaning at the thought of it. Although some days it may feel like chaos, the trade off is love, joy, silliness, camaraderie, friendship, intimacy and happiness. And I get four decades!

Sister Sister

I just got home today after spending a wonderful 1 day-2 night girls' weekend at Lake of the Ozarks. It was an amazingly good time. I got to ride in the biggest, nicest boat I have ever ridden in in my life. (Thanks Teri & Jay!) I spent hours on my paddleboard. The solitude and scenery of those hours was incredible. I spent time with friends and family eating, drinking, talking, playing games (which I won!) and having a generally wonderful time. I am so happy for the opportunity to recharge! But the most incredible gift came when I got home.

I grew up with 3 brothers and my entire life watched with interest my mom and her 4 sisters. Sisters are not like brothers. My mom and her sisters go to dinners, celebrate birthdays, take vacations, play bingo and talk on the phone. This is not the case with brothers! Now that I have 6 daughters of my own, I find myself imagining, with envy, the potential relationships they have the opportunity to build as they grow. But! many days, the way they get along, I'm just certain they are going to move to the 6 corners of the universe, never speak to each other, and have me spend my golden years endlessly traveling to and fro to visit grandchildren.

This weekend was a huge ray of hope. My girls pulled together and took care of each other in my absence (and took care of dad who is working 20 hours a day to bring a project in on time.) They went to the pool together. They watched movies curled up in my bed together. Ariele shuttled Riley to and from a birthday party. They all piled in Ariele's car again on Saturday night and went to Dairy Queen - one last hurrah before Mom came home on Sunday. It felt like a gift when Ariele told me how much she loves her sisters and how much fun she had with them this weekend. She said "we were all in the car headed to DQ and a Taylor Swift song came on and everyone was singing at the top of their lungs, even Riley, and I looked around and just thought my sisters are so cute". She said, "it just made me smile." She doesn't know it but I nearly cried in that moment. Then when I asked the younger girls how their weekend was Jillian was the first to answer and she said, "Ariele is the most awesomest sister ever! We went to the pool ALL DAY Saturday!!" Then my dear, tired as heck husband told me how Kayla and Seadon busted butt all weekend making meals, doing dishes...they even vacuumed and mopped the floors!

I am going to bed tonight sunburned and relaxed from a nice restful weekend at the lake. Which is more than I could hope for. But beyond that, I am going to bed with a heart bursting with pride and happiness for my wonderful family and the blessing they are to my life! Thank you, God, for the life I often feel I don't deserve. I am truly grateful.

Situp thou hast felled me.

Why can I not create a habit of exercise?

This has been my prevailing thought since. . . . well, since . . . .I was going to say since my first child was born...but the truth is since I put on my swimsuit for the first time this year. I have talked to a few people about their exercise habits and, no surprise, no one really has a consistent exercise regime. In the past week I have even been considering joining a gym thinking that would increase my motivation.

Today I decided to search how to create an effective daily habit. I did get results for websites on how to create a daily habit of exercise but I also got websites for reflection, prayer, positive affirmations, breakfast, smoothies, gratitude, vitamins and the list goes on. It's good to know I'm not the only person struggling with creating habits!

A habit is by definition a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition. Therein lies my problem. Frequent repetition hasn't been in the cards where exercise is concerned. It's not that I can't achieve frequent repetition. I have no problem with these habits:

• swimming pool
• television
  
• blogger
• facebook
  
• snacking at 10pm

I wonder if I create a reward system if I could start doing those hated situps each day because clearly a possible thinner midsection is not an impetus. And gosh, if I succeed at situps who knows what I can achieve...positive affirmations, a cleaner house, daily reflection, world peace!

Pfft. If you have any suggestions.....

‘A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.’ ~Herm Albright


Positivity with a dash of cynicism. I like it.

Positive attitude, gratefulness, happiness all seem to go hand in hand. I have been working on these attributes, these fruits of the spirit, for the past 4 years. It seems weird to think that I have to work on being positive, work at being grateful, struggle to feel happy but it is true. Events unfolded in my life leaving me anxious, tired, bitter and unhappy. The amazing and/or interesting thing is that the events that caused me to feel this way represented less than 10 percent of my actual daily life and yet the resulting negative feelings consumed over 90% of my daily thoughts and actions.

I can not remember what event led me to begin searching, climbing, clawing my way out of that hole. Today, it doesn't seem to be any one event or realization because thankfully I can no longer remember what it truly felt like being that depressed and sad. My point though, is that although I am "healed" from that depression, I still have to work at it. Each day, I make a conscious effort towards being positive, grateful and happy. Here are a few of my steps:

• Become aware of your self-talk and don't allow "stinkin thinkin"

• Be grateful for your life, your gifts, and your people.

• Don’t compare yourself to others but be inspired by them.
  

• There will be bad things, try to find the lesson (or the good).
  

• See failure as a stepping stone to success.

• Surround yourself with those who are where you'd like to be.

• Complain less, smile more.

• Do right even when others do wrong. More importantly, treat others right even when they treat you wrong.

I guarantee if you try these things there will be days that it feels like work! Hopefully the rewards will make it worth it. Things I have accomplished by allowing the fruits of the spirit to work in me:

Baptized into Jesus
Quit smoking
Overcame debilitating depression and anxiety
Raised three kids into adulthood (still working on 4 more!)
10 year relationship that is still going strong
Develop relationships with friends that go beyond the surface
Began writing


In Galatians, regarding the fruits of the spirit Paul says, "against such things there is no law". What he means is these are not seen as good only by those who believe in God. These are known to be positive characteristics by almost everyone, in most eras, in most lands.

Give it a try and be universally correct.

Can you pronounce Lao Tzu?

Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing. ~Lao Tzu



First, I have no idea how to pronounce that name. In fact, I started thinking of all the profound quotes I love and frequently I do not know how to pronounce the originator. Ergo, I suppose if I want to be considered profound I should consider changing my name. Anyhoo, not my point.

I talked to several people today and there was a common theme: "I have so many things to do today I just have no idea where to start." "I just can't possibly make it to the pool today, I have too many things to do." "I just felt so overburdened with things to do that I didn't even get out of bed til noon."

I don't typically feel this way. Actually, several of my friends give me a hard time when they call because every time they ask what I am doing, my typical response is "nothing". The truth is that I am always doing something. Sometimes, many times, it's just not something I want to admit that I am doing. Like: eating chips & salsa (this actually happens way too often!), playing on the computer (ditto!! way way too often!), sleeping, watching tv, yelling at a kid or two...you get the idea. But that isn't always the case. In fact, I find most moms are great at multi-tasking which means we aren't just doing something we are doing many somethings.

As I thought about this I actually recalled a phone conversation I had just the other day. It wasn't the conversation that was important. Nor was it the fact that I was on the phone for over 2 hours! No, the crazy thing is everything ELSE I accomplished while I was on the phone.

• talked on the phone
  
• folded a load of laundry from the dryer
  
• switched a load from washer to dryer
• added a load to the washer
• swept the kitchen floor
• unloaded the dishwasher
  
• made my bed
• picked up my bathroom
• sorted the girls' dirty laundry
• changed my clothes
• put on make-up
• AND straightened my hair

I'm not kidding. Then after I got off the phone I actually "got something done." I had errands to run for Arty...Salvation Army, bank, pick up contacts, and drop off dvd player at Best Buy. The funny thing is I didn't feel like I had accomplished anything until I finished those errands. I actually said, "Yeah! I got something productive done today!" That's Crazy! If someone had asked me, that whole list of stuff I did while I was on the phone would have been described as "doing nothing."

So. My advice to those women today would be to give yourself credit for all the "nothing" you accomplished today and don't get overwhelmed by the to do list. If you didn't get to it today, it will be there tomorrow. And hey, you should really throw an actual "hanging by the pool doing nothing" into your week too!

Anniversary and Socrates

“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have” ~Socrates

Today is my anniversary and I have been reflecting on my relationship, marriage, life. I am very content with my life. Don't get me wrong. There are days when I think about making a larger contribution to society or about earning the self-affirming paycheck but overall I am quite happy. Think about that. I am at home and Arty works at home. We are essentially with each other 24 hours a day 7 days a week. And, it has been this way for over 7 years and I love it! I feel blessed being home and seeing my kids off to school in the morning and being here when they get home in the afternoon.

But life changes even when you don't want it to. Last year my baby started kindergarten and my first born headed off to college. My 2 other big kids have moved out permanently into their own apartments. It is a difficult process accepting these changes as necessary and good. In addition, I have been thinking about changes I would "like" to happen. Do I want to work outside the home? can I find a job that fits around the kids' schedules? do I want a job or a career? should I try to go back to school? what exactly would I enjoy doing?

It is difficult for me not to have all the answers. To feel no control over my future. But life is uncertain. That may be the only thing in I’m certain about. What I work to make happen down the road may not happen. Therefore I think giving up too much of the good stuff that lies in front of me every day (time with my family) isn’t necessarily the most intelligent trade off in the world. It all goes by too quickly already. It's good for me to think about what I want but I think Socrates is reminding me to love, cherish, nourish and be grateful for what I’ve got.

I'll end with another Socrates -

“Our prayers should be for blessings in general, for God knows best what is good for us.”

Can I get a high five!?

I have been witness to my fair share of relationship woes. Sadly, I will admit that in the heat of the moment I am prone to thinking I am right and everyone else sucks. Or, "If everyone would just listen to me and do what I say then life would be so much easier and happier!" The husband and I went to a marriage conference this past weekend. In our first breakout session, the leader/counselor says to us "90% of what you say is not in the words." I think YES! This is exactly what I have been saying to Arty for YEARS!!! I look over to get a high five for how right I have been and guess what!? He wasn't impressed by my cockiness and I did not get a high five!

What I have discovered is it is better to be a little wrong than absolutely right and alone. It's true that people do not like a know it all. In addition, I have realized that no one is ever truly THAT right because everyone has their own opinion and perspective. Further, even if I am doing one thing right, I can rest assured that I am doing at least 2 wrong.

If you're having lots of relationship problems — and repeatedly thinking "I'M OKAY. EVERYBODY ELSE SUCKS!" — then it's time to start wondering what YOU might be contributing to the "people problems" around you.

Consider saying these "tongue twisters":

"How do you see things?"

"Did I hurt your feelings?"

"How could I better empathize with what you're going through?"

"You talk first — because I really want to hear how you feel and understand better."

"I want to know how I have contributed to your hurt and/or anger."

"I'm sorry."

"I apologize."

(Those last two seem to be especially hard!)

It's really all about empathy. The counselor suggested rather than trying to be right, we should focus on trying to be understanding and be a good listener. My husband asked, "But what if you don't agree with your spouse?" (Hah! He is like me - we like to be right.) The answer - empathy is not reliant on consensus. You don't have to agree with why I am angry to feel badly that I AM angry. Sometimes saying "I'm sorry that you are upset" (and meaning it!) is all it takes.

Lastly, if someone takes the time to apologize to you, and expresses how they want to move past a conflict — let go! Release your anger. A loving and forgiving heart is the key to all successful relationships.

Affirmations

It is shocking to me how much I need external positive reinforcement. I need praise. Just like my six year old child...look at me, look at me, mommy, Watch!!

Several events brought this thought to the forefront of my mind. First, we invited a friend family over for dinner. All day was a checklist. House clean - check. Dinner - check. Threaten kids within an inch of their life to be good hosts and exhibit good manners - check. I think most days I take my home for granted. Seeing it through new eyes is fun. Seeing it through new, complimentary eyes is Fantastic! To be told, you have a great home...it's beautiful almost made me feel like I was having an endorphin rush! Further, for the rest of the weekend I think I felt like I liked my home more. I was happier to be in it I think.

The next thing that happened was completely weird. Our neighbors were having a garage sale and one of their patrons, some random guy, apparently walked over and started taking pictures of my garden pots on the sidewalk and front porch. I wasn't there but Arty said he just walked over and asked if he could take pictures of my flowers. I have potted flowers for the past 4-5 years since we moved here and rarely does my family comment on them...an unprompted compliment anyway. I will say, How does that look and Arty will say Good and that is about it. Occasionally someone will tell me my flowers are pretty and that is Great. But for a guy to think they are lovely enough to take pictures was such a jolt to my ego I don't think my feet touched the ground for an hour at least!

The last thing I will mention is Paddleboarding. I attempted this new skill at the lake on Monday and guess what!? I'm not half bad!!! I was pretty worried beforehand about making a fool of myself trying this new thing in front of our friends. As it turned out it was really fun and even though it required a good deal of balance I managed it with just a little wobbliness. I was incredibly proud of myself for accomplishing this new feat. But it was nothing compared to the joy when not one but BOTH of our friends said how good I am at it!

There are so many areas of my life that need this positive reinforcing boost to my self esteem but it isn't something you can expect to get from your spouse. I think just like I take my house for granted...well, I'm his house. He may feel pride when someone compliments him on his house but most days it's just the norm. So how do I create a self-affirming boost? I saw this video this weekend. Maybe she is on to something. Excuse me, I have to go stand on a counter!

http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/just_plain_stupid/Jessica_Gets_Pumped_For_Bedtime/#298011