Facade

First let me say that I really wish I could put the cedilla under the "c" in facade. Just something lost when typing rather than writing. I used to keep journals. I loved to put pencil to paper. I love the written word, expression, communication! If you just said "What? What's a cedilla?" don't worry about it and keep reading.

I have just entered a whole new arena of acquaintances with the start of a new job. A whole group of people who know nothing about me. Is it just me or does anyone else consider the ramifications of letting people know personal stuff about you? It is very disconcerting to me at times. Mostly because I truly believe that I am odd....and boring. I have several times through my life when faced with this situation considered adopting a facade? I could make myself normal, my life exciting. I could change my personality traits!! The stupidity of this is that you could never sustain the lie for long. Eventually you would just look like a jerk and liar.

BUT! I have come up with what I consider a list of enviable traits that I would wear like an overcoat if I could. An overcoat because the truth is that I'm okay with the real me and would eventually want to take the coat off! Here's the list:

• intelligent
• carefree
  
• traveled
• thoughtful
• great housekeeper
• multilingual
• creative / artistic
  
• punctual
• a good cook
• disciplined
• well read
• open to criticism
• patient
• motivated

I may or may not be some or all of these things. But in my mind I am none of them. However, a few years ago a friend my own age died. It really shook me to my core. I thought about that person and the things I knew of him that I thought people would remember. He was awesome! Kind, giving, happy, smiling. A good friend, brother and uncle. He was all these wonderful things and more. It made me consider what would people remember of me and also what would I want people to remember of me if I could choose. Here is the list I made then:

• She was truly a woman of God
• She loved her family and friends
  
• She was devoted to her husband and children
  
• She was happy and kind
  
• She made me laugh

These are the attributes that I strive for daily instead of punctuality and a super tidy house. In recent months my list has expanded by two. In the Bible, Jesus only ever describes himself using two words. From Matthew 11:29, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

Yeah, I was gentle and humble and I made you smile. I'd be happy with that as a legacy.

Inspiration and 42

I turned 42 today...in fact, yesterday. I recently read a blog written by an obvious lover of facts and trivia and it spurred me into researching factoids concerning the number 42. Here are just a few:

• 42 degrees is the angle that light must reflect off of water to make a rainbow
• the are 42 generations from Abraham to Jesus
• 42 square miles make up Jerusalem
• 42 lines on each page of the Gutenberg Bible
  
• 42 dots on a pair of dice
• Statue of Liberty's right arm is 42 feet long
• Juliet slept for 42 hours in Romeo & Juliet

And for the win -

• the only 42 ever retired in Major League Baseball was that of Jackie Robinson who coincidentally shares the last name of the person who inspired me to write this little post!
  

I probably wouldn't have worked this up into a post except for that odd coincidence.

Here is my thought process after discovering that coincidence...."coincidence, really?, is there such thing as coincidence, is everything left to chance or nothing, is there predestination, are we on the path that was laid out for us prior to our existence by an omniscient God?, is this exactly what my 42 years were meant to be from the beginning, 42 years, 42, that's a long time, long, really long, sheesh now i'm tired, man I would love 42 hours of sleep."

Good night, Romeo.

No time to think.

Since I started back to work I haven't had much time to think about things. When I was at home I would ponder things, Mull things over, read bizarre tidbits on the internet and do random google follow up searches. These are the activities that usually led to my blog topics. So sadly, I haven't blogged in a while. The good thing is that I don't overthink things either like an argument with Arty or a backhanded remark made by someone at church (hmmm..what do you think she really meant by that).

The most interesting thought I've had is that I kinda miss myself. I miss that inner thought process, or dialogue, I used to have during the day. It feels kinda like I lost a friend. Does that make sense or does it make me sound schizo?

Oh well, no more time to think about it. Gotta get things done so I can get to bed at a decent hour. (A decent hour!? Did I just say that!?!) lol.