Girls, girls, girls

When I was younger, pregnant with my first child, I had hoped that I would have boys. What can I say? It is what I knew. Growing up with 3 brothers (ZERO sisters)I knew about sports, frogs, tree climbing, fort building, wrestling moves and championship distance spitting among other things. To say I was a tomboy is pretty accurate although my mom tried to girl me up with dance lessons. In the end, I think it was the nerd in me that won out over tomboy and girly-girl. Which is cool. I'm pretty okay with my nerd status.

It was frightening to me having the first daughter -- especially because she could definitely be described as a girly-girl. But then I had 2 more girls, followed by 2 step daughters, then ending with...yep, you guessed it, one more baby girl.

6 girls total. The reality is that as usual my fears were unfounded. My daughters have been the greatest gift. These girls have taught me so much about myself as a woman and have been my greatest source of pride and joy.

Today I was reminded of one of my favorite things about girls: giggling. We went to see Santa at Bass Pro and I scared Jill with a giant stuffed grizzly bear. Like a real one that has been killed then stuffed. You know...what is the word....taxidermy! It was silly but Jill, Riley and I just melted into a fit of giggles. It was so sweet. We had the best time my 2 littlest girlsies and me.

Challenge!

I'm right a lot. With 7 kids I get to be right. A LOT. In fact, many times even when I'm wrong I still get to be right. (I love that about parenthood.) I believe that at times I am so used to being "right" that I forget that I could actually be wrong. That is scary because I am neither that smart nor that experienced.

I will find myself making things up just to see if anyone will challenge the validity of what I am saying. I actually want to be challenged. I want someone to say, "Michelle, you are full of shit. And here are the 18 reasons why."

So, why do I want to be challenged? I started thinking about this last night. Hmm.

• I want to mix it up. Debate. Argue. I think it is stimulating. I find it stimulating in the way some people find jumping out of an airplane with a parachute stimulating. Thrilling, exciting, jumping into the unknown! Am I going to crash?? No! I know what I am talking about here! YES! The parachute has opened and I am floating gently to the ground.

• I want to learn. I feel like I stretch myself and my thinking the most when I get input from others. I especially grow when those other people don't necessarily think the way I do. Also, when I add their experiences to my own I think my knowledge expands to include their horizons.

But most of all --

• I'm tired. I'm tired of making the decisions. Sometimes, I feel like I want to say, "I don't really know what I'm doing here...you take over." I don't know what to fix for dinner, I don't know what punishment to levee for lying, I don't know what the right age is for wearing makeup, dating, having a cell phone or getting a credit/debit card. I don't know how to tell people no without hurting their feelings. I don't know if we should replace the carpet in the living room or re-tile the bathroom. I just don't freaking know.

So basically, out of laziness and the desire to abdicate my decision making responsibilities I want to be challenged. Laziness. Hmm. That sucks.