I had a horrible day yesterday. Ariele called crying and upset. Jill was sick and running a fever. Kayla -- happy as a lark...as usual! :) Oh how I envy Kayla her natural disposition. Ariele and I often make fun of Kayla because her happy-go-lucky attitude often presents itself as airheadedness or "blondeness" as we tease her. As if she is a dumb blonde. This couldn't be further from the truth. I truly envy her ability to always see the silver lining and focus on the happy and good in every situation. I adore her sweet soul and creative nature. I love that kid.
But Ariele being upset and Jill being sick really did a number on me. I was over the top anxious. By last night, I was just done. I think I must have even slept tense because when I woke up this morning, my muscles, back, neck, everything was just so sore. I worry WAY too much. I worry about things normal people don't worry about. I worry about things I can not change. If worrying were an Olympic sport, I'm sure I could be a gold medalist. I try, I really try to talk myself down or through it but my mind creates the most ridiculous scenarios and then I just can't let go of them. But today, God gave me a little perspective.
At 6am today my friends arrived at the hospital with their 4 year old deaf child for her scheduled open heart surgery. Seriously!? I am worried about my 3 girls who are 19, 14 and 10 hanging out at the beach with 6 adults. (7 if you count the adult that is my oldest child!) I feel ashamed that I was so wrapped up in my perceived stressful circumstance when they are having an ACTUAL crisis. I think about the past few days, lamenting my tiny worries to this woman who has been preparing for OPEN HEART SURGERY.
The word that comes to mind to describe myself: DOLT
The urban dictionary defines dolt as "A mental retard who is clueless not only about current events, but also has the IQ level of a rock." Yeah, it fits.
I'm sorry Al, I have not been a good friend. I'm praying for you guys and sending every good and strong vibe I have to little Q.
good grief, i'm just now reading this. for the record, i never would have called you a dolt. and yes, there is always something going on that supercedes our own stress or worry, but it doesn't take away that stress or worry. it might make us see it in a new light, lessen it in a way, but it can't completely erase it. thanks for these words and sentiments. even reading them this late, they mean ALOT. perspective is one of my very favorite things. miss our lunches and 3 hour chats. :) love you lots moochy! ;)
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