Parenting as a Behavioral Science

There are traits in each of my children that I have been witnessing since they were young - even toddlers. These are negative traits that I am mentioning although they also have many wonderful traits. I just feel like recently my big peoples lives' are being greatly affected by the behaviors associated with these negative personality traits.

Ariele is stubborn and arrogant. Has been since she was very little. I think these traits are why she is succeeding in college. However, I also think these traits hinder her ability to make and keep close relationships. As long as she has topical relationships she is good. She made lots of acquaintances at college but no real friends. Real relationships take a type of selflessness that she doesn't possess. Or maybe, a selflessness that she is unable to sustain would be a better way to describe her.

Hunter lacks motivation and is lazy. Because he is so laid back, he makes friends easily and I'm sure he is popular at parties. The no responsibilities fun guy. However, he is living in a college town working at a sub shop NOT going to college. He convinces himself that he is happy in his lifestyle because to be otherwise would take planning and work.

Hayden has low self esteem. I think this leads to a fear of failure and fear of rejection. If Hayden tries something and fails, you can be assured she will not try it again. Also, she chooses relationships with other people who are struggling to overcome personal issues....usually issues that are MUCH worse than her own.

Through all the experiences I wonder is this a physiological result or a learned behavior? Is this something I could have altered in raising my kids or would I have been just fighting the tide?

I know I have struggled with my own self destructive behaviors. I think at times I blame my parents/childhood for my failures especially in emotional areas. But I can't help but wonder, is it genetic? Is low self-esteem genetic? Laziness? Stubbornness?

Your thoughts?