No one ever said it would be easy. Actually, no one ever said anything. There is a line in the movie "Parenthood" that I think about ...
Keanu Reeves character says, "You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father."
I'm not dissing on dad's here. I have actually said to one of my kids "wait just a second and let me check the mom-manual.....oh yeah...they didn't give me one. I'm doing the best I can so just back off!" Nice, huh!?
I'm having a hard week, I mean month, wait...I mean year. I have one kid that has dropped out of college, one that is contemplating sex, one that is being punished for bad grades, several that are disrespectful at times, 2 that are starting high school in August, one that won't stop whining all the time, one that lies constantly about anything and everything, etc.
The hardest thing, I think, is doing what is right. Keeping your eye on the prize and doing what it takes to raise a happy, healthy, productive, moral, responsible adult. Having the child that you love hate you or think you are being mean or unfair, even if only temporarily, hurts. It is the type of hurt that makes you question yourself. Am I a good parent or am I raising a felon? Am I a good person? Would my friends be supportive or shocked? Is my husband on my side? These are hard questions to face and when you're feeling sad and hurt it is so easy to get on the "pity pot" and start affirming all of your self doubt. OMG! I AM a bad mother. I AM a horrible person who loses her temper. My husband IS going to leave me because I am SO horrible to his children. (Okay...that last one is a bit extreme...I've thought it but I don't think I have actually ever believed it.)
I don't really believe you should have to have a license but I believe in the sentiment. Sadly, I think by the time you get the hang of it you have grandchildren. Even sadder, all that wisdom you have acquired through all those years of trial and error is widely ignored and rarely solicited and you get to sit back and watch your children make the same mistakes with their children.
Truth is, there's no such thing as the perfect parent. But if I try, if I work at it and really commit, I hope I can take comfort in knowing that I've done my best to give my kids the opportunity for a good life.
The other line in that movie that I love - Jason Robard's character explains parenting to his son, Steve Martin's character, "There is no end, you never cross the goal line, spike the ball and do your touchdown dance." Being a mother is my full time job. I have settled for the fact that I will not get a paycheck or a raise, I will never get a promotion, I don't get vacation days and I rarely get a "you're doing a great job, thanks." Now I realize no retirement!? No touchdown dance!? Dang!
Seriously, if you haven't seen the movie "Parenthood" you should see it. It is an early Ron Howard masterpiece. A great mix of comedy and drama.
"If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.' Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. " Deuteronomy 21:18-21
(My punishments seem mild in comparison!)
I LOVE THAT MOVIE!!! :) we have at times been right there w/ keanu in that sentiment.
ReplyDeleteone thing i practice and i think is important: apologizing to my kids. i can't stand it when people can't apologize for blatant wrong-doing or even a mistake. and parents who won't apologize to their kids are teaching them they're not worthy of an apology when they have experienced a wrong-doing. respect your kids and treat them like you hope to be treated by the persons you love and hang out with.
i also think this makes us more real to our kids. and talk about an important life-lesson! yes, we really all do make mistakes. no, not everyone says sorry. the best of us however own up to our faults, even to the smallest (size wise literally) people in our lives. :)
not saying you don't do those things. that's just the soapbox platform that grabbed hold of me on this one. :)