Desperate

I am a fan of "Desperate Housewives." Give me a break. I can identify with 40 year old housewives in a sitcom. So sue me! In one particular episode, Lynette has an epiphany watching all her neighbors head out for church on Sunday morning. She goes to Bree's church and at the end of the sermon she raises her hand. She has questions. Bree is humiliated and respectfully asks Lynette to take her family to another church because you go to church for answers - not to ask questions. It culminates in a conversation with Bree where she says, "I've had a tough couple of months. I survived cancer AND a tornado and I want to know why. Why did I survive when so many haven't...didn't."

It's interesting. My question would also include why did she have cancer in the first place. You know only 10 percent of smokers end up with lung cancer even though smoking is the number one cause of lung cancer. Only 10%. Why did my mom end up with lung cancer? I was there when the doctors grimly told me that she only had a 20% chance of living. People say you have to have a positive attitude. You have to believe you will beat it. My mom had neither. I held her frail hand when she cried out to die. In agony from the pain of the fight she cried out to God to let her die. I cried when she looked me straight in the eye and said she didn't have anything to live for. Let me repeat that. My mother looked me square in the face and said she had nothing to live for. I don't believe her attitude or her beliefs made a difference. I believe in the Lord our God. He has a plan. She has lived for over 5 years since her surgery...over 6 years since her diagnosis. I started going to church almost 6 years ago for the same reason as Lynette. I had questions.

I still don't have all the answers but I have more peace than I have ever felt in my adult life. It's a good start.