Sister Sister

I just got home today after spending a wonderful 1 day-2 night girls' weekend at Lake of the Ozarks. It was an amazingly good time. I got to ride in the biggest, nicest boat I have ever ridden in in my life. (Thanks Teri & Jay!) I spent hours on my paddleboard. The solitude and scenery of those hours was incredible. I spent time with friends and family eating, drinking, talking, playing games (which I won!) and having a generally wonderful time. I am so happy for the opportunity to recharge! But the most incredible gift came when I got home.

I grew up with 3 brothers and my entire life watched with interest my mom and her 4 sisters. Sisters are not like brothers. My mom and her sisters go to dinners, celebrate birthdays, take vacations, play bingo and talk on the phone. This is not the case with brothers! Now that I have 6 daughters of my own, I find myself imagining, with envy, the potential relationships they have the opportunity to build as they grow. But! many days, the way they get along, I'm just certain they are going to move to the 6 corners of the universe, never speak to each other, and have me spend my golden years endlessly traveling to and fro to visit grandchildren.

This weekend was a huge ray of hope. My girls pulled together and took care of each other in my absence (and took care of dad who is working 20 hours a day to bring a project in on time.) They went to the pool together. They watched movies curled up in my bed together. Ariele shuttled Riley to and from a birthday party. They all piled in Ariele's car again on Saturday night and went to Dairy Queen - one last hurrah before Mom came home on Sunday. It felt like a gift when Ariele told me how much she loves her sisters and how much fun she had with them this weekend. She said "we were all in the car headed to DQ and a Taylor Swift song came on and everyone was singing at the top of their lungs, even Riley, and I looked around and just thought my sisters are so cute". She said, "it just made me smile." She doesn't know it but I nearly cried in that moment. Then when I asked the younger girls how their weekend was Jillian was the first to answer and she said, "Ariele is the most awesomest sister ever! We went to the pool ALL DAY Saturday!!" Then my dear, tired as heck husband told me how Kayla and Seadon busted butt all weekend making meals, doing dishes...they even vacuumed and mopped the floors!

I am going to bed tonight sunburned and relaxed from a nice restful weekend at the lake. Which is more than I could hope for. But beyond that, I am going to bed with a heart bursting with pride and happiness for my wonderful family and the blessing they are to my life! Thank you, God, for the life I often feel I don't deserve. I am truly grateful.

Affirmations

It is shocking to me how much I need external positive reinforcement. I need praise. Just like my six year old child...look at me, look at me, mommy, Watch!!

Several events brought this thought to the forefront of my mind. First, we invited a friend family over for dinner. All day was a checklist. House clean - check. Dinner - check. Threaten kids within an inch of their life to be good hosts and exhibit good manners - check. I think most days I take my home for granted. Seeing it through new eyes is fun. Seeing it through new, complimentary eyes is Fantastic! To be told, you have a great home...it's beautiful almost made me feel like I was having an endorphin rush! Further, for the rest of the weekend I think I felt like I liked my home more. I was happier to be in it I think.

The next thing that happened was completely weird. Our neighbors were having a garage sale and one of their patrons, some random guy, apparently walked over and started taking pictures of my garden pots on the sidewalk and front porch. I wasn't there but Arty said he just walked over and asked if he could take pictures of my flowers. I have potted flowers for the past 4-5 years since we moved here and rarely does my family comment on them...an unprompted compliment anyway. I will say, How does that look and Arty will say Good and that is about it. Occasionally someone will tell me my flowers are pretty and that is Great. But for a guy to think they are lovely enough to take pictures was such a jolt to my ego I don't think my feet touched the ground for an hour at least!

The last thing I will mention is Paddleboarding. I attempted this new skill at the lake on Monday and guess what!? I'm not half bad!!! I was pretty worried beforehand about making a fool of myself trying this new thing in front of our friends. As it turned out it was really fun and even though it required a good deal of balance I managed it with just a little wobbliness. I was incredibly proud of myself for accomplishing this new feat. But it was nothing compared to the joy when not one but BOTH of our friends said how good I am at it!

There are so many areas of my life that need this positive reinforcing boost to my self esteem but it isn't something you can expect to get from your spouse. I think just like I take my house for granted...well, I'm his house. He may feel pride when someone compliments him on his house but most days it's just the norm. So how do I create a self-affirming boost? I saw this video this weekend. Maybe she is on to something. Excuse me, I have to go stand on a counter!

http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/just_plain_stupid/Jessica_Gets_Pumped_For_Bedtime/#298011

Resolution or Goal?

I think I may have been looking at this the wrong way. I read something this morning that got me thinking about the difference between goals and resolutions. The biggest difference is you achieve a goal and you keep a resolution. Understanding the difference will change how you approach the situation.

Some objectives are better characterized as resolutions, others, as goals. "Run in a marathon" or "Become fluent in Spanish" is a goal. It’s specific. It’s easy to tell when it has been achieved. Once you’ve done it, you’ve done it! "Write daily" or "Stop gossiping," or "Exercise" is better cast as a resolution. You won’t wake up one morning and find that you’ve achieved it. It’s something that you have to resolve to do, every day, forever. You’ll never be done with it.

It can be easy to get discouraged when you’re trying to hit a goal. What if it takes longer than you expected? What if it’s harder than you expected? And what happens once you’ve reached your goal? Say you’ve run the marathon. What now – do you stop exercising? Do you set a new goal?

With resolutions, the expectations are different and being discouraged can come easier and more frequent. Each day, I try to live up to my resolutions. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail. To not get discouraged I need to see each day as a clean slate and a fresh opportunity. I never expect to be done with my resolutions, so I try not to get discouraged when they stay challenging. Which they do.

For example, I made a resolution to practice an attitude of gratitude. Each day I have to re-commit to this resolution. It takes a lot of self-discipline to keep a resolution and to continue to commit day after day especially in the face of adversity or failure. I had a bad day yesterday. It is extremely difficult to be grateful all day when my day was consumed with laundry and errands and events at kids’ schools. So I failed. No problem. Today, I have a clean slate and the opportunity to improve.

What got me thinking about this is my resolution to blog. My mindset was that of it being a goal. I found myself feeling frustrated that I wasn’t achieving anything. There was no end. I was feeling discouraged. But now I have shifted my mindset. Writing needs to be a resolution for me. It needs to be something without end that I commit to accomplish each day.

Current resolutions - attitude of gratitude, blogging, exercise, weight control

Current goals - read Bible, learn to StandUp Paddleboard, take a photography class