It is shocking to me how much I need external positive reinforcement. I need praise. Just like my six year old child...look at me, look at me, mommy, Watch!!
Several events brought this thought to the forefront of my mind. First, we invited a friend family over for dinner. All day was a checklist. House clean - check. Dinner - check. Threaten kids within an inch of their life to be good hosts and exhibit good manners - check. I think most days I take my home for granted. Seeing it through new eyes is fun. Seeing it through new, complimentary eyes is Fantastic! To be told, you have a great home...it's beautiful almost made me feel like I was having an endorphin rush! Further, for the rest of the weekend I think I felt like I liked my home more. I was happier to be in it I think.
The next thing that happened was completely weird. Our neighbors were having a garage sale and one of their patrons, some random guy, apparently walked over and started taking pictures of my garden pots on the sidewalk and front porch. I wasn't there but Arty said he just walked over and asked if he could take pictures of my flowers. I have potted flowers for the past 4-5 years since we moved here and rarely does my family comment on them...an unprompted compliment anyway. I will say, How does that look and Arty will say Good and that is about it. Occasionally someone will tell me my flowers are pretty and that is Great. But for a guy to think they are lovely enough to take pictures was such a jolt to my ego I don't think my feet touched the ground for an hour at least!
The last thing I will mention is Paddleboarding. I attempted this new skill at the lake on Monday and guess what!? I'm not half bad!!! I was pretty worried beforehand about making a fool of myself trying this new thing in front of our friends. As it turned out it was really fun and even though it required a good deal of balance I managed it with just a little wobbliness. I was incredibly proud of myself for accomplishing this new feat. But it was nothing compared to the joy when not one but BOTH of our friends said how good I am at it!
There are so many areas of my life that need this positive reinforcing boost to my self esteem but it isn't something you can expect to get from your spouse. I think just like I take my house for granted...well, I'm his house. He may feel pride when someone compliments him on his house but most days it's just the norm. So how do I create a self-affirming boost? I saw this video this weekend. Maybe she is on to something. Excuse me, I have to go stand on a counter!
http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/just_plain_stupid/Jessica_Gets_Pumped_For_Bedtime/#298011
