Ridiculous!

I hope that all my Pinterest endeavors aren't this difficult.

















So I was mega excited about my first choice - Spice clips. I thought it was simple with the potential for exemplary impact and success. Mostly because this is my plethora of spices:





Ridiculous! Let me just say. Of this lot, I use 5 or maybe 6 of these on a regular basis. We are not great cooks in this house but we get by and most of us do NOT bake. I find that if you bake, you eat and while I am a fan of the eating I am not a friend to the after effects. I was surprised to find in my supplies: corriander (no idea what to put this on), cream of tartar - it does not go on fish - at least not in its powdered state, and STICK cinnamon - I have no recollection of this entering our home. But those don't get to me as much as these: 4 bottles of cloves, FOUR! 2 gigantic bottles of dried sage, 2 cumin, 2 poppy seed, 2 dill weed and 2 ginger. OMG! And! AND...we have enough freaking ground cinnamon to hand down to my children's children's children. I am not kidding!

Great. Simple, easy selection to ease myself into this writing gig. Uhhhh, fail. I went out with Arty to pick up my super handy spice clips and after 2 hours and 3 stores, nada. Nope, they didn't exist. Home Depot, Target, Bed-Bath, not a single clip strip (trying to copyright this handy dandy term as it seems no one has heard of it but it sounds like marketing magic to me!) to be found.

No problem, Google or Amazon will hook me up. Problem...they are on back order. What the heck! Did everyone on Pinterest have the same spice conundrum as me?? Dang it! But then...wait a minute. It must be said - I love google. Spice organizer. Check. Images. Check. WOW! Look at all these options. So 45 minutes later I have placed my order and finally! today I have my first installment.

Voila!!





And guess what...they are in alphabetical order! Gasp!!


So, I still plan to use the spice clips (when they get here sometime in February). I am going to put my fave 6 most used spices in the clips. They are, in alphabetical order, creole seasoning, garlic salt, (perfect pinch) parmesan herb, popcorn seasoning - white cheddar, (grill mates) roasted garlic & herb and (morton's) season all. PSA - the white cheddar is only 2 calories per serving. B00-Yah! (or however that is spelled).

Whew. Honestly, that was stressful. But my spices are alphabetical so there ya go. This gets a resounding thumbs up for me.

Next up.....









It's time to fix those knotted, uncomfortable fleece blankets that we don't use because without fail those knots get up under ya and creep into those dark nether regions where blanket knots do not belong.

Pinterest - it Peaks my Interest

I have decided to attempt to choose 52 things (projects, recipes, styles, whatever) from Pinterest and execute rather than just browse. I got this idea because I stumbled across a photography tip for capturing a great pic of the Christmas tree. It worked so well that I decided it may be a worthy idea to put this into practice on a regular basis. You know, actually do something instead of just surfing the internet. Novel idea, right? So in the name of A.J. Jacobs, my favorite stunt writer, I am going to write about what I do.

I am following 35 people on Pinterest. Those 35 people have "pinned" 72,657 items. When you start up, pinterest gives you several people to start following. Of course, many of those suggested friends have over five thousand pins and are probably considered "Power Pinterest Users" or something like that. It seems like such a waste of time if you aren't going to use the ideas you've pinned and who can possibly have tried the 11,934 things they've pinned (Gift Guru).

Of my 35 following - 24 are people I actually know in real life. This includes my daughter and her best friend from high school, several ladies from my church and even my pastor! Those 24 people have only pinned 5,311 items with the most for any one person being 2,204. The least was zero.

In an effort to waste less time on the internet, find something and follow through on my intentions and write more (3 of my New Year's resolutions), I am going to pick one thing each week for 52 weeks put it into use then blog about the process and results. I will each week in my blog give you the pin (which you will also see if you follow me on Pinterest) that I am planning for the next week.

Here we go -- (feel free to join in and try my ideas and/or suggest pins you think I should try.)

Week 1

Girls, girls, girls

When I was younger, pregnant with my first child, I had hoped that I would have boys. What can I say? It is what I knew. Growing up with 3 brothers (ZERO sisters)I knew about sports, frogs, tree climbing, fort building, wrestling moves and championship distance spitting among other things. To say I was a tomboy is pretty accurate although my mom tried to girl me up with dance lessons. In the end, I think it was the nerd in me that won out over tomboy and girly-girl. Which is cool. I'm pretty okay with my nerd status.

It was frightening to me having the first daughter -- especially because she could definitely be described as a girly-girl. But then I had 2 more girls, followed by 2 step daughters, then ending with...yep, you guessed it, one more baby girl.

6 girls total. The reality is that as usual my fears were unfounded. My daughters have been the greatest gift. These girls have taught me so much about myself as a woman and have been my greatest source of pride and joy.

Today I was reminded of one of my favorite things about girls: giggling. We went to see Santa at Bass Pro and I scared Jill with a giant stuffed grizzly bear. Like a real one that has been killed then stuffed. You know...what is the word....taxidermy! It was silly but Jill, Riley and I just melted into a fit of giggles. It was so sweet. We had the best time my 2 littlest girlsies and me.

Challenge!

I'm right a lot. With 7 kids I get to be right. A LOT. In fact, many times even when I'm wrong I still get to be right. (I love that about parenthood.) I believe that at times I am so used to being "right" that I forget that I could actually be wrong. That is scary because I am neither that smart nor that experienced.

I will find myself making things up just to see if anyone will challenge the validity of what I am saying. I actually want to be challenged. I want someone to say, "Michelle, you are full of shit. And here are the 18 reasons why."

So, why do I want to be challenged? I started thinking about this last night. Hmm.

• I want to mix it up. Debate. Argue. I think it is stimulating. I find it stimulating in the way some people find jumping out of an airplane with a parachute stimulating. Thrilling, exciting, jumping into the unknown! Am I going to crash?? No! I know what I am talking about here! YES! The parachute has opened and I am floating gently to the ground.

• I want to learn. I feel like I stretch myself and my thinking the most when I get input from others. I especially grow when those other people don't necessarily think the way I do. Also, when I add their experiences to my own I think my knowledge expands to include their horizons.

But most of all --

• I'm tired. I'm tired of making the decisions. Sometimes, I feel like I want to say, "I don't really know what I'm doing here...you take over." I don't know what to fix for dinner, I don't know what punishment to levee for lying, I don't know what the right age is for wearing makeup, dating, having a cell phone or getting a credit/debit card. I don't know how to tell people no without hurting their feelings. I don't know if we should replace the carpet in the living room or re-tile the bathroom. I just don't freaking know.

So basically, out of laziness and the desire to abdicate my decision making responsibilities I want to be challenged. Laziness. Hmm. That sucks.

Did I just say that out loud?

Here's the truth.

I have voices in my head.

On the one hand, I am comforted because all the voices are my own but on the other, my voices talk to each other so in other words I talk to myself. Not a good sign. This happens to me a lot. I think this is why I have always tried to write. It helps to get the words out and down on paper. It quiets my mind, I guess.

Since I have gone back to work I don't blog. In addition, I have more things in any given day to talk to myself about since adding interaction with a whole slew of adults and teenagers to my daily agenda.

For example. I have a new co-worker. It is my job to train her and it is not going well. Every single day when I leave work I chat with myself about how it went and what I think worked and where I think some things may have gone wrong. Some days I will have this inner chat all evening -- while driving, cooking, cleaning, watching TV.

Another example. I have a friend. There are times when she or I will act irrationally towards the other. I will spend days discussing and dissecting every nuance of the interaction. With myself. In my head! Just to be clear. It is a real conversation. Multiple voices and perspectives. At times there can be as many as 5 me's in the debate!

The problem. My inner chat sessions are starting to bubble over. Just like a pot of boiling water after you add the noodles. You watch it boil closer and closer to the top. Bubbling, bubbling. Higher, higher. But with the pot, just before it reaches the top you can reach over and turn the stove down. Crisis averted! Not so with me. Several times in recent weeks one of my kids has said, "What? Mom, were you talking to me?" My response, "Uhhhhh, did I just say that out loud? Weird."

I'm losing control!

All this is to say....I think I am going to start blogging again.

Hello! My name is Michelle. Welcome to my conversation.

How did I get here?

I had a tubal ligation when I delivered Riley by C-section over 7 years ago. SEVEN! And yet I think I just came to the realization yesterday that I wouldn't be having any more babies. It made me really, really sad as I watched my LAST baby get her first big girl haircut. Sniffle. But seriously, I cried. It was pathetic.

I sat there trying to regain my composure by flipping through a magazine. As I did, I gazed upon famous people....with their toddlers! Awww, darn it. More sadness. One picture was a mom sitting "criss-cross applesauce" on the ground at the park with her daughter on her lap. Honestly, I used to love sitting like that with my toddlers...reading a book, watching television, blowing bubbles, picking "flowers" to tie together to make a necklace. (Insert reminiscent sigh here.)

Problem: I erroneously think I could still manage a baby because I tend to think I am younger than my actual age. Many of my (younger) friends are just having babies or talking about having babies or talking about maybe wanting to get married so they can start having babies. It breaks my heart because part of me wants to be right there with them. It's like because I live my life alongside theirs I sometimes feel like my life mirrors theirs as well. WRONG! Reality: I sat criss-cross on the floor playing with cars with my great-nephew over this past weekend and my legs went to sleep. For real! I had to wait 5 minutes for the numbness to wear off before I could stand! SUCK! STARK REALITY: I actually HAVE a great-nephew!! TWO in fact!!

Pfft!

I'm old.

It sucks.

It's 10 o'clock.

Past my bedtime.

Just Do It!

I am in the process of forcing myself to do things I sincerely have no desire to do. It's horrible and I hate it. I realize that I have been doing this for most of my adult life. Go to work, cook dinner, do the laundry, be polite, set a good example, eat my vegetables. Ew, peas. Remember trying to force yourself to eat vegetables you didn't want to eat when you were a kid? For me, eating peas resulted in crying, gagging, choking and in a few rare instances actual vomiting. Of course, this was the preferable choice as the other was getting punished (spanked) by mom or dad. I find I still have the same response to forced behavior -- crying, gagging, choking, vomiting.

It's exhausting! Part of my energy is going toward the activity (such as cleaning the bathroom), but an even larger part of my energy is spent resisting and resenting the activity! It's tiring. The resisting and resenting shows up in so many ways: procrastination, diversions like TV and computer, anger and depression. In contrast, when I do something I love I'm engaged and happy which results in joy, creativity and productivity.

So, the question. How do I just do it? I actually typed this question into Google. (man I love google) Here is what I have determined:

• First, I need to realize I will be happier in the long run if I just do the dreaded task. Having these things hanging over my head makes me feel drained and uneasy.

• Take it one day at a time. It might be one hour or one minute depending on the task. When I quit smoking there were days that definitely had that one minute at a time feel.

• Forgive yourself. When you fall off the horse, and most people will, you will jump back on quicker if you forgive yourself. Self talk is good. Self talk that offers forgiveness is awesome! "Michelle, it's ok. You knew this would be hard and it's okay to have a few setbacks. You can do it but only if you keep trying."

• Don't fear failure. Redefine it as feedback. Michael Jordan said (don't pass out because I am quoting a sports figure),

  "I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

• Make yourself accountable. Not always possible but this may be the best idea for me since the only thing I hate more than failing is for you to know that I failed. Tell a partner, friend, mother or sibling what your plans are and ask them to hold you accountable.

• Fake it til you make it! Yes! I found this by googling. Love it! If I don't feel enthusiastic about my task then I need to fake it. Check.

• Do something you love while you're doing something you dread. For me, this equals a lot of music and a lot of dancing! Um, except at certain times of the month then it equals a lot of chips and salsa. Ahem.

Of course, this isn't a complete list but just a few tools for my arsenal. So, I am trying to work on my priorities since I feel like they are screwed up at the moment and hurting people who are closest to my heart. I'm asking you to hold me accountable. Ask me how it's going sometime and if I say "fine" you need to probe deeper.

One final tip I learned quite a while ago (before google!) ....ranch dressing makes peas go down much easier. :-)